I’m Still Here

Posted April 29, 2011 in The Soul & Life Purpose

Last night I watched the movie, “I’m Still Here” starring Joaquin Phoenix. There is still some debate apparently if it is truly a documentary or an Andy Kaufman-style performance art piece. Either way, it really got this point across to me: If you attach and identify solely as your ego, you are going to get destroyed. In the movie, Joaquin, identified as his ego embarks on a mission of self-destruction (I would argue in order to discover that he is wrong, or die trying). Because frankly, your soul loves you that much. It loves you enough to be unable to bear losing you to the illusory belief that you are in separation from it.

So to translate into English: If you are attached to the belief that who you are is dependent on your bank account, on your ability to find sexual partners, or on your dependancy of other’s beliefs about you…then prepare to be destroyed. Because the PART of you that believes that, is not real. It THINKS it is. But it is dead wrong. Our freewill is in the power to choose who we are going to listen to: Ego or Self? Fear or Love? Your Story or Mine (and by mine, I don’t mean the Ego’s story).

This is no easy task when you are really trying to do it thouroughly. It’s like when you are really trying to weed a garden. It’s pretty easy to cut the weeds down, but if you are weeding from the roots? Well…you might just have a sore back by the time you get all those suckers out.

And this is what I do with people on the phone. I help them weed. You can call me a master gardener. Because for some reason I really enjoy when other people are locating their false selves and seeing them for what they are. And in the light of day they start to disappear, because illusion shrinks into nothingness when we stare at it with the fierce eyes of grace and love. And I feel so grateful to be able to do this type of weeding with people. I guess I’m a weeding addict. It’s different than being a weed addict. Just sayin’.

The movie is so intense and haunting that I felt naseus the next morning. And if this is a fauxumentary? Joaquin, you are truly the best actor I have ever seen. (I could look at it intuitively to find out, but I’m kind of enjoying sitting with the question.)

My favorite quote from the movie from Edward James Olmos:

“That’s you, drops of water and you’re on top of the mountain of success. But one day you start sliding down the mountain and you think wait a minute; I’m a mountain top water drop. I don’t belong in this valley, this river, this low dark ocean with all these drops of water. Then one day it gets hot and you slowly evaporate into air, way up, higher than any mountain top, all the way to the heavens. Then you understand that it was at your lowest that you were closest to God. Life’s a journey that goes round and round and the end is closest to the beginning. So if it’s change you need, relish the journey.”

He then says something to Joaquin about how when the spotlights are on him, the inner light can’t be seen. The Inner light can only be illuminated during the dark times. This part I would disagree with. The inner light is always illuminated, but if the outer audience is shining a spotlight on you (projection) they will not be able to truly see your light. It doesn’t mean it’s not there. I guess you could say “It’s Still There,” too.

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